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<BLOCKQUOTE style="BORDER-RIGHT: medium none; PADDING-RIGHT: 0in; BORDER-TOP: medium none; MARGIN-TOP: 5pt; PADDING-LEFT: 4pt; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 5pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0in; MARGIN-LEFT: 3.75pt; BORDER-LEFT: blue 1.5pt solid; PADDING-TOP: 0in; BORDER-BOTTOM: medium none"><DIV style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 12pt"><P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">Only the Irish have Jokes Like These!

> Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run
> over by a train.
> His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised
> and he's walking with a limp
> "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
> " Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
> "That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean,
> "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
> "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible
> lickin' he gave me with it."
> "Well," say s Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have
> something in your hand?"
> That I did," said Paddy.
> "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a
> fight."
> ***************************************
> ***************************************************** **************
> An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the
> city one night and,
> of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
> A cop pulls him over.
> "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
> "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
> "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink
> this evening."
> "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
> "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms
> across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of< BR>> your car?"
> "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
> "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
> Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan
> arrives at her door.
> "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
> "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my
> husband?"
> "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident
> down at the Guinness brewery..."
> "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must, Brenda.
> Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
> Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
> "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and
> drowned."
> "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim . Did he at least go
> quickly?"
> "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
> Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service,
> and she's in tears.
> He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
> She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away
> last night."
> The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have
> any last requests?"
> She says, "That he did, Father." The priest says, "What did he ask,
> Mary? "
> She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'"
> A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confess ional booth,
> sits down,but says nothing.
> The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk
> continues to sit there.
> Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
> The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side
> either!"
> </DIV></BLOCKQUOTE><P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></DIV></DIV>

2,072 Posts
heh :letsdrink makes me proud to be Irish!!!
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