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Discussion Starter #1
I woke up in the night last night with griping guts. I headed for the can in our master suite. The can is in a little alcove and I didn't notice my wife already athrone. I was about to drop my pants when she screamed. Did you ever crap on your wife? She got lucky that I was able to tighten my but flap real tight.

I wheeled around and headed for the other crapper. OK, now to toilet height problem. The throne off our bedroom is one of the taller ones where the one by my study is low. I dropped my drawers and sat down--which was several inches lower than I anticipated. (OK, it is 3 in the morning)

I sort of crashed down, causing my package to drop into cold (real cold) water. Of course, I jumped up and at the same instant my sphincter released and I made a bit of a mess. Actually, quite a bit of a mess. Awright, a helluva mess.

I hope this isn't a preview of what is coming as I get older. It took me 20 minutes to clean up all of the crap and then I had to take a shower and change drawers too. I'm not sure but, I probably would have made just as big a mess 30 years ago. Just think about it, I felt dang lucky to make it to the pot. Man this was emergency pressure. Then I dunked my balls in ice water. Put your self in my position. Do you honestly think you could have held it?
 

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Dang, just dang........hahahaha funny story, can't help ya about the age issue though...you got me beat, maybe one of our Tom's will chime in! Bet momma laughed her arse off after it was all over!
 

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In spite of the fact that I read the caption...I continued to read. Can't beat that, I got nothing.

Sent from my SM-T580 using Tapatalk
 

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Nope, nope, nope, you can't come stay at my house.....sorry but it's just a shitty situation.
 

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Yepper, time to replace the throne to a man sized one. Little kids are going to be outta luck at my house. I wont even keep a sqwatty potty in the guest side for similar reason.
 

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Apparently your self control and reflexes are still that of a younger man. All is not lost. Also, it could have been worse if you had woke up from a dream of being a chicken laying eggs.
 

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Lol ! I'm sitting here thinking about this from your wife's point of view !!! Bawhahaha ! I'm glad that you managed to hold it....for your wife's sake....but it sure would have been a story for the records book if you hadn't !
 

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A personal aside... if you redesign a bathroom, I highly recommend a "bidet" style crapper.

If you happen to get a disease that makes you poop way too often you will thank me 1000 times.

When you shit 12 or more times a day you'll want a more comfortable way to clean your bottom.

At first it's weird, but if you use warm water it becomes a lot better than a half a roll of TP. At one point I was up to nearly a roll of TP a day.

Jim
 

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You know,... My day wasn’t so bad after all...
 

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Discussion Starter #19 (Edited)
When my Dr increased my Metformin to 2000 mg per day

I just about crapped my brains out. My system and my butthole couldn't handle it. There was also a terrible risk when passing gas. I reduced down to 1500 mg/day then after a week down to 1000 then 500 and now I am taking 0. I modified my diet and my fasting blood sugar has been in the prescribed range every day for the past 3 weeks.

Now I poop solid stuff rather than acid spray, sometimes even substantial Lincoln Logs. My butt is back to normal with no acid burns and I can fart without fear.(even cut a satisfying and loud rip.)

If anybody has type 2 Diabetes, I will tell you what is working for me. I'm really proud of my accomplishment. Metformin (Also called Glucophage) is a dangerous drug. My control is strictly dietary--no change in exercise.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
While we are on this crappy subject--

You know the little bumps that hold the toilet seat off the bowl? Somebody doubled a package of McDonald's ketchup and put right under the bump. I sat down for a satisfying interlude then Pow! Cold ketchup all over my balls. The Pow! was pretty doggone loud too. Very messy but funny. I can't give any suggestions as how to aim the ketchup contents. Maybe I got redballed by accident but I'd like to think it was intentionally aimed at my nuts. Good prank but, PLEASE, not for the crapper at church.
 
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