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Old 12-09-2015, 02:40 PM   #1
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Default Old men at Christmas

I thought old men at Christmas were supposed to vegge out in their chairs while pandemonium busted loose all around them. My memories of my grandfather had him in his chair, reading Outdoor Life, and occasionally glancing at the TV, whereupon he would bellow at us kids, "Down in front! Your Daddy wasn't no glassmaker! If he was, y'all've been drinking muddy water!"

Granny would call all the kids into the kitchen to keep us from getting our asses beat. She would give us cookies, and then tell us to take some to Grandpa. By then, he would be asleep in his chair, and invariably, one of the kids would jump into his lap, kneeing him in the nuts, and we would get a quick glimpse of the sudden warrior inside him before he quickly morphed into our sweet old grandpa again.

So why is it that now that I'm an old man, I have to go to the barn and climb into the loft to retrieve bag after bag of decorations and ornaments, followed by the all out war with the Christmas tree?

"You need to saw the end off the trunk so it will take up water."

"It's not centered in the stand."

"Why is it leaning? You need to fix that."

"That limbs got to go. Maybe that other one, too."

"I don't like that side. Turn it around. No, that's not working for me. Turn it back where it was. Hmm. I don't think I like that."

"You're tracking needles all over the house!" (Prison is starting to becoming an attractive option.)

"Don't touch anything with that sap all over your hands!"

"You need to go get the lights." (grrrr.)

"You've got too many lights on this side, and not enough over here!"

Where's my chair? And my Outdoor life? Hell, even a knee in the nuts would be OK about now.
"Sometimes I give myself the creeps. Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me." - Green Day
We madmen are the aristocrats of mental illness.
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Old 12-09-2015, 03:12 PM   #2
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LOL.....I don't think your problem is Christmas!!!
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Old 12-09-2015, 03:13 PM   #3
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Lol, I'm 25 and feel the same way partner. It turns me into a Grinch at times ha
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Old 12-09-2015, 03:23 PM   #4
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I agree. I'm no fan of the season. All of the above plus my wife tries to hog the TV watching the dang Hallmark channel. Sappy movie after sappy movie with all the same theme with the same people with frozen smiles starring in them. It's ridiculous.
THEN, we've got to go find presents that we can't afford for people that don't need them.
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Old 12-09-2015, 04:24 PM   #5
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Relax guys it gets worse, much worse.
I Dont know where I'm going but I damn sure know where i've been
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Old 12-09-2015, 06:18 PM   #6
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I've never been a cheerful type at CHRISTmas. Use to decorate the outside of the house when we lived in a subdivision but when we moved to the woods, all the lights went away! The ole lady is in charge of interior decorations and as long as my kids are looming around, they get the joys of hauling all the decorations downstairs! I'll help the ole lady if she asks but she usually doesn't....hahaha
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