A FEW FUNNY Quotes & things to think about! - Pensacola Fishing Forum

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Old 07-23-2008, 10:06 PM   #1
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Default A FEW FUNNY Quotes & things to think about!



Friends don't let friends

take home ugly men

Women's restroom

Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE









Beauty is only a light switch away.

Perkins Library, Duke University , Durham , NC







If life is a waste of time,

and time is a waste of life,

then let's all get wasted together

and have the time of our lives.

Armand's Pizza, Washington , DC







Fighting for peace is like

screwing for virginity.

The Bayou, Baton Rouge , LO







No matter how good she looks,

some other guy is sick and tired

of putting up with her shit.

Men's Room

Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill , NC







At the feast of ego

everyone leaves hungry.

Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson , AZ







It's hard to make a comeback

when you haven't been anywhere.

Written in the dust on the back of a bus,

Wickenburg , AZ







Make love, not war.

-Hell, do both

GET MARRIED!

Women's restroom

The Filling Station, Bozeman , MT







If voting could really change things,

it would be illegal.

Revolution Books

New York , New York .









If pro is opposite of con,then what is the opposite of progress?

Congress!

Men's restroom House of Representatives,

Washington , DC







Express Lane:

Five beers or less

Sign over one of the urinals

Ed Debevic's, Phoenix , AZ







You're too good for him.

Sign over mirror in Women's restroom

Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills , CA





No wonder you always go home alone.

Sign over mirror in Men's restroom,

Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills , CA





~~~ and perhaps the most realistic one~~~





A Woman's Rule of Thumb:

If it has tires or testicles,

you're going to have trouble with it

Women's restroom

Dick's Last Resort, Dallas , TX







ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

______________________________



OFFICE ARITHMETIC



Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

_____________________________



SHOPPING MATH



A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

_____________________________



GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS



A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

_____________________________



HAPPINESS



To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

______________________________



LONGEVITY



Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

______________________________



PROPENSITY TO CHANGE



A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

_____________________________



DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE



A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me,



'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.




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