Crappie1962

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o><PRE> large<o></o></PRE><PRE> plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and<o></o></PRE><PRE> every once in<o></o></PRE><PRE> a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.</PRE><PRE> Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says,<o></o></PRE><PRE> 'Ma'am, there are $20<o></o></PRE><PRE> bills falling out of your bag.</PRE><PRE><o></o></PRE><PRE> 'Oh, really? Darn!' said the little old lady.<o></o></PRE><PRE> 'I'd better go back, and<o></o></PRE><PRE> see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.'<o></o></PRE><PRE><o></o></PRE><PRE> 'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How<o></o></PRE><PRE> did you get all that money?<o></o></PRE><PRE> 'You didn't steal it, did you?'<o></o></PRE><PRE><o></o></PRE><PRE> 'Oh, no', said the little old lady. 'You see,<o></o></PRE><PRE> my back yard is right next<o></o></PRE><PRE> to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of<o></o></PRE><PRE> fans come<o></o></PRE><PRE> and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I<o></o></PRE><PRE> stand behind the<o></o></PRE><PRE> fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his<o></o></PRE><PRE> thing<o></o></PRE><PRE> through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes'.<o></o></PRE><PRE><o></o></PRE><PRE> 'Well, that seems only fair' laughs the cop.<o></o></PRE><PRE> 'OK. Good luck! Oh, by the<o></o></PRE><PRE> way, what's in the other bag?'*<o></o></PRE><PRE> *'Well, you know', 'not everybody pays'.*<o></o></PRE>

Just_Ducky

Another lil old lady joke...







Defense Attorney:

Will you please state your age?



Little Old Lady:

I am 86 years old.



Defense Attorney:

Will you tell us, in your own words,

what happened the night of

April 1st?



Little Old Lady:

There I was,

sitting there in my swing on

my front porch on a warm

Spring evening, when a young man

comes creeping up on the porch

and sat down beside me.



Defense Attorney:

Did you know him?



Little Old Lady:

No, but he sure was friendly.



Defense Attorney:

What happened after he sat down?



Little Old Lady:

He started to rub my thigh.



Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him?



Little Old Lady:

No, I didn't stop him.



Defense Attorney:

Why not?



Little Old Lady:

It felt good.

Nobody had done that since my

Albert died some 30

Years ago.



Defense Attorney:

What happened next?



Little Old Lady:

He began to rub my breasts.



Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him then?



Little Old Lady:

No, I did not stop him.



Defense Attorney:

Why not?



Little Old Lady:

His rubbing made me feel

all alive and excited.

I haven't felt that

Good in years!



Defense Attorney:

What happened next?



Little Old Lady:

Well, by then,

I was feeling so 'spicy'

that I just laid down and

Told him

'Take me, young man.

Take me now!'



Defense Attorney:

Did he take you?



Little Old Lady:

Hell, no! He just yelled,

'April Fool!' And that's when

I shot him, The little bastard.

GONU

LMAO!:letsdrink

SandyKeys

Dang!!!!:clap