NavySnooker

so, i have to start somewhere because there are some things i need to get off my chest. it's after 10:30 and thoughts are racing. can't even begin to describe how bad i feel right now.... since i've onlybeen here in p-cola for a cupple of months i have no one else to turn to... other than the people who share my passion.... fishermen. for the last few months, my marriage has seemed to go slightly downhill. first, my wife tells me that she is not happy because this place isboring to her and she has no friends... so i start taking her out, introducing her to the wives of some of the guys i work with... of course i never hear the end of "how stupid everyone i associate with" is and blah bab blah ba blah... about a month later she stops sleeping, spending all of her time on the computer and such. i get up to go to work at0400, she's still up... i get home from work, she's sleeping. i work very hard to pay my bills andsupport my family... work extra hard to put on the smile when i'm stressed because i know complaining won't help.... i bust my ass to provide a quality of life that is hard to come by the average hard working american and myefforts go down the tube. i rarely lose my cool...do my best to stay in control, and be the supporting husband that every womanrequires in a time of need. however my efforts are in vain because all i hear is negativity. all i do is wrong. i have to show up to social events alone because i get no support. i don't see what i'm doing wrong. i know it's noone's business but i'm going nuts trying to stay sane... she won't get a job, she stays up all night doing god knows what... so, to make a long story short... she gets off the computerall of a sudden to wake me up a little while ago to tell me that she wants to go out and have some drinks... great!!! except it's tuesday, and i have to get up at 0400 in the morning to go toa very demanding job. so... i wake up to sound of the door closing, and as i peek out the window, i see her getting into my friends truck and driving away... needless to say i can't get back to sleep because i don't understand what's going on. maybe i'm reading to far into this... i doubt it. hence the call for the advice from perfect strangers....please don't make a big blog out of this because it's a serious situation. the only other person i could turn to is with the wife right now... god knows where... and i clearly recall her putting makeup on for a good while before she left... if anyone has anything to say, please do so in PM format.... i feel sick and have nowhere to turn:sick

SharkSlayer

Dude,



First let me say that it sounds like your doing your part.I dont think its your fault things arent working out.

This situation sounds exactly like what a good buddy of mine went through. The end result of his relationship with his wife was a bad divorce. Personally I dont think he communicated very well with her. No counseling just knock out drag outs that had to do with her going out all the time.

My only advice is to get some help from a professional or at least someone that wont take sides. If she wants to work on it then she wont turn it down.



If you need to vent or just bullshit shoot me a PM. Good luck.

sniper

I think you know exactly what is going on. You are just in denial.

__________________

Getsome

It sounds like your marriage has already ended. I would start making all the preparations behind her back so you don't get screwed by the court system.

Collard

Without knowing both sides it's hard to give advice. I'll just tell you my story.

I worked a very demanding job that icluded shift work. I did what I could to try and keep her happy. She was rippin' to go when I'd get off work and all I wanted to do most days was go to bed or just relax. She started stayin' up all night on the computer. She'd sleep all day with my 3yr old needing to be taken care of.I'd go work graveyard, she be up all nite. This went on for about 3 mths. I had my suspicions. She flew out to Texas to meet somebody she met online (supposedly a woman "friend") I knew better. Then later on she announces she is moving to Wisconsin to live with a guy she "met" online. I told her she was crazy of course. He could be some serial killer. She said, now get this," I'm a pretty good judge of character I think." She could make character judgements from words on a screen.Very talented she is.

She left me and my daughter a week before her 4th birthday. What a winner. she did eventually move back here after 4 months. I guess the new wore off her boyfriend.

She ALWAYS tried to invite me to do things with her when she knew I had plans or she knew I was beat from work and wouldn't go. That way it seemed she wanted me there, to hide in plain sight with her boyfriends. 6 in two years if ya wanna know. Don't expect any friends to get involved. They don't wanna be the bad guy. they'll come forward after TSHTF and validate your suspicions.

Anyway, it was the best thing that EVER happened to me in the end. I've got the kind of wife evryone dreams now. Looking back I see it all as a plan someone had for me.

Just remember no matter how bad it may get and hurt, it's going to get better. You gotta keep telling yourself that. You know the old saying, " It gets darker just before the dawn." You will just have to trust in that. It's going to get better one way or the other I promise.

If she's not doing right, she not worth your time and something better will come along. If she's just having a hard time adjusting then maybe it'll work out.

Sounds like she may be trying to push you away and make you do something about the situation and be the bad guy. Counseling can do wonders. I used to think it wouldn't. I went a couple of times and it helped. Although when your wife tells the counseler that, "He makes my skin crawl." you can pretty much just mark it down as over.

Good luck and I hope it all works out the way you want it to.

captken

Do your best to keep it working--thats all you can do. Councelling? Well, it never worked for me but you gotta try it if you can afford it.

Give her the benefit of the doubt until there is no doubt.

Don'tget confrontational. It won't help anything and you could get yourself into serious trouble if you punch somebody. Try to talk it through.

If you can't work it out in a civil manneryou will know you've done your best and, regardless of the outcome, you can feel good about yourself. Your self respect is the most important thing you have going for you.

If you can't deal with it, the sooner you cut your losses, the better but give it a chance if it is worth saving.

Yeah, life definitely sucks sometimes and, for a fisherman, when you have problems in the winter and fishing sucks too, it is a double whammy.

I don't know how it is for everybody else, but loss of self respect and sense of humor are about the worst things I could lose.

__________________
Captken
http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/

hjorgan

What collard says x2

I fought off divorce for 2 years for the "sake of the kids"

Two years of hell I wish I had back.

My son lives with me now, A student and mini-football hero.

Daughter is still with her mom, who turned slightly more sane.

And I have a wonderful wife now who loves to fish!!!

Bad times don't last, and neither do bad people.

YOU decide how long you want to fight then get one with life.

Telum Pisces

Just make sure that you have done your part to try and work things out. Take a step back and think about what you do and how you do it. We all take things for granted from time to time. Your relationship to your wife is something we all take for granted from time to time. A marriage is something that we all have to work at to keep it sane.

Once you feel satisfied that you are doing your part to work things out, that's allyou can do. She has to meet you half way. If she does not want to do that, there's little you can do.

From your username and your story, I take it that you are in the military and werestationed here. Unfortunately, it happens to many military families. You get stationed somewhere where your spouse does not like and has no friends. They take their dislike of the situation out on you. There are many things out there for military wives. Try and get her involved in something with otherwomen that stay at home. A gym in the middle of the day or morningis great place for women to meet friends.

David Ridenour

Have to agree. Get a keystroke program and see who she's talking too online and what she is saying. Find your phone box and wire in a recorder to confirm your suspicion. It's hard to face reality but the writing is on the wall. Take a vacation day or call in sick if you have to. Leave at the normal time. Have a friend meet you at work (not the one with the truck) park your vehicle and take his back to your neighborhood and watch what happens. Does she have a cell phone? Steal it and check out her messages. I hate to see you going through this but you need to act now in your best interests.

bamasam

"i see her getting into my friends truck and driving away..."

Dude what kind of friends do you have? After being married to a druggie ho for 6 years I have toughened up quite a bit. Just come out and ask her if she is getting it on the side, if so with the way the economy is tell her to sell it instead of giving it away! I have to agree with Sniper, I think you allready know what is going on and if you are both that miserable get the hell out and get your life in order. I know it sounds like I am an ahole but since I got rid of her I have remarried to a wonderfull woman that loves to fish and join me in everything. That because of her working I have more than money ever and now have a boat, camper, 2 houses and peace of mind!

One question to ask is before you moved here was she doing the same thing?